The Swedish Invasion, Part II

0742, September 6, 2006
Public transport full of annoying civilized apes

I have successfully infiltrated the enemy and boarded a vessel on route to their much dreaded stronghold: STOCKHOLM! Disguising myself as one of their mindless drones, I have easily snuck aboard and found myself a comfy seat with a view (and small table). Unfortunately, I am not alone. They watch my every move, like vultures ogling a dying camel! I am waiting nervously, finger on the trigger of my trusty boomstick at all times; there is only so much I can do until this perilous journey comes to its end.


1045, September 6, 2006
Glorious landing pad!

FREEDOM! Finally I am rid of their stench! I have barely time to take a deep breath, because I must scramble! Even now they hound me! Hot on my trail, they are, howling as I slip away into the teeming streets of the city. A gasp of relief is all I can afford, because I must hurry onwards.


1100, September 6, 2006
Outside the gates of the Gut-wrencher

One smelly cab driver later and I have finally found my way to the lair of the witch-doctor. No doubt he will poke my skin with needles and hum and haw as he squeezes my tender innards.


1130, September 6, 2006
Walking the streets of Morons

Much to my surprise the doctor did not want to steal my kidneys! Nice enough chap, really. And he slipped me a note, too! Oh, golly, what fun. Towards potentional organ damage from radiation, it is!


1230, September 6, 2006
Kicked out into the streets and feeling slightly violated, yet with a crispy exterior

I feel like a total prostitute... The things people do for love.


1500, September 6, 2006
Outside the landing pad

Fucking recruiters. If another guy from Greenpeace comes up to m- Oh, now you've DONE IT, boyo!


1510, September 6, 2006
Outside the landing pad, one snotty Greenpeace fag later

Ahh, that felt so good...


2200, September 6, 2006
Home. Bed. Exhausted.

Finally, I'm back in a sane harbor once again. Sweet, sweet Gothenburg...

The Swedish Invasion, Part I

The Swedes are coming! Or is that just the one? I hardly have to stress that this makes absolutely no difference, as Swedes are not your average Joe! The impact on the local and national front should be likewise disastrous and extraordinary. Who knows where the scales will tip? Back in the good old days you merely had to say: Viking! and everyone would go running away screaming, waving their arms in a vain attempt to avoid a bit of head-chopping. Still, I'm sure I could accomplish a bit of screaming somehow...

Back to topic.

It's been many, many long months since I found myself on one knee in an Indian crack motel, asking my American if she wouldn't mind being my wife for an eternity or two. (Ain't that just the most awesome thing you've ever heard? Of course, it is! What could be more romantic than a dimly lit room, with sheets smelling of cigarette smoke, and probably having a dead hooker stashed under the bed?)

But... I have a punch line. You know that your view on life is bound to change when you look up into the eyes of a woman who is laughing and crying in overjoyed hysteria. Things will never be the same.

We are so close to finally having a visa interview, yet every day feels like an eternity. Honestly, I am NOT looking forward to going all the way to Stockholm so I can be at the mercy of some complete stranger. That person has the power to decide the outcome of the rest of my life. You think you are the one who's in control of your life? Think again. This is not to say I think I will be denied, quite the opposite :) Because unless it turns out I have HIV, or have been secretly trafficking for the past 5 years, I'll be fine.

Once I'm snug and smug in the USA with my sexy momma I won't be able to work right away. So, I guess there'll be plenty of time for me to tell you guys what it's like moving to another country. Should be fun. "Today I took the Long Island Rail Road to Jamaica station and made fun of losers with pink iPods. I was not axe-murdered!" ;P

Wish us luck.


Sweden, over and out.

Squirrels are the Enemy!

Much like the ravenous poodle, or the cannibalistic hamster, squirrels are known to hide beneath a fuzzy exterior of cuteness, easily tricking the gullible. But do not be fooled, good folks! Under this clever guise they wreak havoc upon the unsuspecting pedestrian...

When you least expect it, during a relaxed evening stroll through the park, they will strike! An ambush among the leaves awaits the slow and unwary! Because if you are not nimble on your feet, dear friends, easy prey you will soon become. An acorny fate awaits you at the hands of these sly little devils.

So, if you see a fuzzy tail among the branches... run like the wind itself! Run for your life!